CHAPTER DXXXIX

THE TALES OF DANGER BABY

CHAPTER DXXXIX

So, my mother is coming to visit Ireland this week. Daughter Version 3.5 (also known as Princess Crazy Preschooler) told us that Grandma will be sleeping in her bed and she will be sleeping in Mommy and Daddy’s bed.

She then let me know that Mommy will sleep in the bathroom and I get to sleep in the kitchen.

Yeah, that sounds comfy.

 

All set to head to the airport

Posted: September 5th, 2011 under Daddy, Grandma, Mommy, Princess Crazy Preschooler - No Comments.

CHAPTER DXXXVI

THE TALES OF DANGER BABY

CHAPTER DXXXVI

When we got home from daycare today Princess Crazy Preschooler and her bff Andrew played with little toy super heroes for two non-stop action packed hours. Andrew lives exactly two doors down the street from us. He is quite impressed by the girls collection of little toy super heroes.

Anyway, they played so hard that after he left, Princess Crazy Preschooler fell asleep in less than 3 minutes.

She didn’t even finish her bowl of goldfish crackers. She always finishes her goldfish crackers.

I can only assume Andrew lapsed into a coma somewhere out on the sidewalk or in the grass.

 

SNORE!

 

 

Posted: September 4th, 2011 under Andrew, Princess Crazy Preschooler - No Comments.

CHAPTER DXXXII

 

THE TALES OF DANGER BABY

CHAPTER DXXXII

I’m not sure if Danger Baby has been secretly watching Japanese sporting events behind my back; but when she gets mad, she does what I call the “Sumo Stomp”.

Danger Baby will lift one leg high in the air and then bring it crashing to the ground. Then she will repeat with the opposite leg. The whole while she makes a high pitched squeal.

While adorable, it is also quite terrifying.

Sometimes the Sumo Stomp is followed by a tantrum where Danger Baby lays face down on the floor and yells. I call it “Sonic Planking”.

Danger Baby has also discovered that throwing objects across the room is a good stress reliever.

 

Dōmo arigatō, Mr. Roboto!

 

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Posted: September 3rd, 2011 under Danger Baby - 1 Comment.

CHAPTER DXXXI

THE TALES OF DANGER BABY

CHAPTER DXXXI

Danger Baby has a new boyfriend. He is name is Elmo. He is red, small, and speaks in the third person.I fear for him.
 
Danger Baby and Princess Crazy Preschooler have a small armada of stuffed animals. Mom and Dad have tried over the past year to somehow reduce their numbers. Sadly, instead of less stuffed animals, we have really only succeeded in bringing in smaller stuffed animals.
 
Over the the past few days all but one stuffed animal has been ignored because Danger Baby has become involved in a devil may care whirlwind romance with stuffed Elmo. It came on very sudden. We haven’t really introduced the girls to Sesame Street yet, and up until this point, the only experience I knew that Danger Baby had with Elmo was the fact that he is on her diapers and because of that she regularly treats him very, very poorly.
 
However, now “Elmo” is all that comes out of her mouth for hours on end.
 
But, Danger Baby, being Danger Baby, continues to treat Elmo very poorly. Just this morning I found her shoving her breakfast into his mouth to the point that if he were real, he would’ve gagged to death. She puts him in a toy stroller and wheels him around, only to remove him at some point, toss him aside and wheel off while he lies in the middle of the street. She’ll whap him against the wall with the brute force of the Hulk.
 
Danger Baby is like Ike Turner and poor Elmo is Tina.
 
I fear a Danger Baby/Elmo Lifetime Original Movie may be in the future if I don’t do something.

 

Black eye? Elmo just walked into a door knob. Just ask him.

Posted: August 23rd, 2011 under Danger Baby, Princess Crazy Preschooler - No Comments.

CHAPTER DXXIX

THE TALES OF DANGER BABY

CHAPTER DXXIX

Whoever coined the phrase “Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me” obviously never had Danger Baby drop a dictionary on their bare foot.

Ouch.

You stay there, I'll find something else to maim you with...

 

Posted: August 3rd, 2011 under Danger Baby - No Comments.

Chapter DXXVIII

 

THE TALES OF DANGER BABY’S MENTOR

CHAPTER DXXVIII

Princess Crazy Preschooler just told me that Santa is coming tonight to bring her birthday presents. When I reminded her that Santa Claus comes at Christmas and Christmas is in December while her birthday is in February, I was sternly told that it was Santa’s birthday today and that’s why he’s bringing her some presents.

Santa is already pretty awesome, but mix in Princess Crazy Preschooler’s logic and he is BEYOND awesome.

These aren't the droids you're looking for...

Posted: August 3rd, 2011 under Princess Crazy Preschooler - No Comments.

Chapter DXXVI

 

The Tales of Danger Baby!

Chapter DXXVI

There are all sorts of misnomers about how the native peoples named their children, but traditionally the Native American tribes had a complicated naming system with six classes of names: birth order, honor, special deed, nicknames, secret and spirit names.

The names were almost always tied to nature and also to the personality of the individual, which is why individuals would sometimes have a name change later in life or not be named until they were far out of infancy.

I like this system, and this is why both my daughters have found themselves saddled with more than one moniker and have shown us their Native names. For instance, Princess Crazy Preschooler for quite a while was known as “Only Wears Purple” (for obvious reasons) which made her wardrobe selection rather dull.

Danger Baby has recently shown us her Native American name. She is “Second Wind” because quite often at bed time, she suddenly receives a furious burst of energy. All of this despite the fact that not more than an hour before, she was blurrily walking around bumping into things out of pure exhaustion. No matter! Danger Baby’s internal clock knows when it is moments before bed time! That is when Second Wind appears.

Bed time be damned! Oh, are Mommy and Daddy sleepy too? TOO BAD! There is stuff to climb!

10pm? Time to chew and play ball suckas!

Posted: July 15th, 2011 under Danger Baby, Princess Crazy Preschooler - No Comments.

Chapter DXXV

 

THE TALES OF DANGER BABY!

CHAPTER DXXV

Danger Baby can be beyond adorable and sometimes when the moon is right, she can be precious. However, she will still put her extra special Danger Baby stamp on any adorable moment that just so happens to come along.

For instance, today after rising from her nap, Danger Baby, still somewhat sleepy, put her head on Daddy’s shoulder. As the two of them walked past the glass French Doors leading into the living room, Danger Baby pointed at their reflection and cooed contentedly.

Daddy stopped to look and sure enough, the reflection of father and daughter, locked in a special embrace that only a father and daughter can share wasn’t just one of those adorable moments, it was fully in the category of precious. It was the kind of moment that Daddy would remember and tear up over as he danced with Danger Baby at her wedding.

So as the two stood there and looked over their reflection in the glass door, time froze until Danger Baby let out the loudest and may I add, somewhat violent, series of farts ever recorded in human history.

Then she bit me.

Precious.

Oh, I'm sorry, were we having a moment here?

Posted: June 22nd, 2011 under Danger Baby - 1 Comment.

Chapter DXXIV

 

THE TALES OF DANGER BABY’S MENTOR

Chapter DXXIV

Princess Crazy Preschooler today declared that she and Danger Baby were both Princesses. She also declared that I was a King. This would’ve been adorable and I was going to answer with “Thank you, thank you very much”, except she then declared that the two giraffe toys she was holding were dinosaurs and went roaring off into the next room.

Later, after a fun time of picking up Princess Crazy Preschooler and spinning her around, I stopped and told her I was done because I was dizzy. Princess Crazy Preschooler then scolded me with, “No, you’re not dizzy, you’re Captain Hook!”

Wait…WHAT?!?!

Worship Me!

Posted: June 10th, 2011 under Danger Baby, Princess Crazy Preschooler - No Comments.

Chapter DXXIII

THE TALES OF DANGER BABY!

Chapter DXXIII

The video below shows another routine lazy Sunday afternoon with Danger Baby and Princess Crazy Preschooler. Dancing around, asking to be a princess, refusing to jump on cue and happily admitting insanity.

Dance Jump Princess I’m Crazy

Posted: June 6th, 2011 under Danger Baby, Princess Crazy Preschooler - No Comments.