CHAPTER DXXXI

THE TALES OF DANGER BABY

CHAPTER DXXXI

Danger Baby has a new boyfriend. He is name is Elmo. He is red, small, and speaks in the third person.I fear for him.
 
Danger Baby and Princess Crazy Preschooler have a small armada of stuffed animals. Mom and Dad have tried over the past year to somehow reduce their numbers. Sadly, instead of less stuffed animals, we have really only succeeded in bringing in smaller stuffed animals.
 
Over the the past few days all but one stuffed animal has been ignored because Danger Baby has become involved in a devil may care whirlwind romance with stuffed Elmo. It came on very sudden. We haven’t really introduced the girls to Sesame Street yet, and up until this point, the only experience I knew that Danger Baby had with Elmo was the fact that he is on her diapers and because of that she regularly treats him very, very poorly.
 
However, now “Elmo” is all that comes out of her mouth for hours on end.
 
But, Danger Baby, being Danger Baby, continues to treat Elmo very poorly. Just this morning I found her shoving her breakfast into his mouth to the point that if he were real, he would’ve gagged to death. She puts him in a toy stroller and wheels him around, only to remove him at some point, toss him aside and wheel off while he lies in the middle of the street. She’ll whap him against the wall with the brute force of the Hulk.
 
Danger Baby is like Ike Turner and poor Elmo is Tina.
 
I fear a Danger Baby/Elmo Lifetime Original Movie may be in the future if I don’t do something.

 

Black eye? Elmo just walked into a door knob. Just ask him.

Edited: August 23rd, 2011

CHAPTER DXXIX

THE TALES OF DANGER BABY

CHAPTER DXXIX

Whoever coined the phrase “Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me” obviously never had Danger Baby drop a dictionary on their bare foot.

Ouch.

You stay there, I'll find something else to maim you with...

 

Edited: August 3rd, 2011

Chapter DXXVIII

 

THE TALES OF DANGER BABY’S MENTOR

CHAPTER DXXVIII

Princess Crazy Preschooler just told me that Santa is coming tonight to bring her birthday presents. When I reminded her that Santa Claus comes at Christmas and Christmas is in December while her birthday is in February, I was sternly told that it was Santa’s birthday today and that’s why he’s bringing her some presents.

Santa is already pretty awesome, but mix in Princess Crazy Preschooler’s logic and he is BEYOND awesome.

These aren't the droids you're looking for...

Edited: August 3rd, 2011