Chapter DXXI

 

THE TALES OF DANGER BABY!

Chapter DXXI

Holy Moley does Danger Baby loves Mickey Mouse. When Mickey Mouse Clubhouse comes on, life stops and Danger Baby loses her ever-loving mind. In fact, anything Mickey Mouse related can send Danger Baby into an insane Disney fueled freak out. 

As the grainy SHIELD surveillance video link below shows, Danger Baby stumbles across Mickey and Minnie bath toy figures left out by Princess Crazy Preschooler.  Mickey is abused then thrown aside and Minnie is then chewed while Danger Baby wigs out and flees up the stairs.   

Mickey Mouse Freakout!

****

Edited: May 31st, 2011

Chapter DXIX

 

THE TALES OF DANGER BABY!

CHAPTER DXIX

Danger Baby is trying to teach herself how to jump. Right now she has the knee bends and the arm movements down to a tee.

She squats and then propels herself straight up onto her tippy toes…but her right foot never leaves the ground. This causes Danger Baby to spin 180 degrees and for some strange reason, breathe fire.

Blankie? No, it's a cape, fool!

Edited: May 30th, 2011

Chapter DXVIII

 

THE TALES OF DANGER BABY’S MENTOR!

Chapter DXVIII

Princess Crazy Preschooler is walking around the house with a large wicker basket full of small toy food.

She is methodically placing the toy food one by one in various locations; the steps, the middle of the living room, the back of the couch, etc.

It’s like watching a deranged Easter Bunny with OCD.

Edited: May 28th, 2011

Chapter DXVII

 

THE TALES OF DANGER BABY’S MENTOR!

Chapter DXVII

Danger Baby’s mentor, the irascible Princess Crazy Preschooler just climbed into my lap, leaned way over so she was upside down and declared, “Daddy, I can see your house from here.”

Next Stop: Stockholm, to pick up the Nobel Prize for CRAZY.

Crazy? Who, little ol' me?

Edited: May 23rd, 2011

Chapter DXVI

THE TALES OF DANGER BABY!

CHAPTER DXVI

Danger Baby’s vocabulary is still very limited. She can say “uh oh” and “Bitch, get up off me”, and not much else.

Right now she is walking around the house with a toy blood pressure cuff saying “uh oh”.

Danger Baby knows something I don’t…I think I may need to go get checked out for hypertension.

Edited: May 20th, 2011

Chapter DXIV

THE TALES OF DANGER BABY’S MENTOR!

Chapter DXIV

Princess Crazy Preschooler has been walking around the house today with a Jack-o-Lantern bucket passing out “trick or treats”. Never mind that it’s only May and her treats are little random toys found in the bottom of her toy box.

So far I have received a cell phone, a plastic penguin, several old Happy Meal toys, a hair dryer, a teething ring and the ass-door from a Mr. Potato Head.

Happy Halloween!

***

Edited: May 18th, 2011

Chapter DXII

 

THE TALES OF DANGER BABY!

Chapter DXII

Danger Baby & Princess Crazy Preschooler have lots of toys. Prominent amongst them are several sets of play food & utensils. With the wide variety of these toys available, Danger Baby naturally chooses to play with the toy utensils, particularly the toy knives!

She walks around the house holding a toy knife in each hand or sometimes two or three.

She’ll cut you in a blink bub.

All I need is this glass of juice and this yummy knife.

Edited: May 17th, 2011

Chapter CDXCVIII

 

THE TALES OF DANGER BABY!

Chapter CDXCVIII

Today we take Danger Baby and Princess Crazy Preschooler to the salon for haircuts. It will be Danger Baby’s first professional haircut.

I fully expect her to bob and weave like Muhammad Ali the whole time and maybe even grab the scissors with her teeth.

That’s just how Danger Baby rolls. It ain’t no thing.

Post Script: Danger Baby, rebel that she is, decided to nap through her hair appointment time so Princess Crazy Preschooler and Mommy went without her.

Oh, did you have plans? Sorry. As you can see, I'm rather busy.

Edited: May 15th, 2011

Chapter CDXCV

 

THE TALES OF DANGER BABY!

Chapter CDXCV

Danger Baby devises new ways to try to break her head open every day.

Her newest venture into acquiring a prolonged hospital stay is to climb onto the windowsill, which is 22 inches off the ground and 8 inches wide. Not a terrible height and certainly wide enough to stand on. However, once there Danger Baby lays down cardboard and old school break dances.

Danger Baby doesn’t care what the music is so long as the tempo ranges between 110 and 135 beats per minute with shuffled sixteenth and quarter beats in the percussive pattern.

***

Edited: May 11th, 2011

Chapter CDLXXXIX

THE TALES OF DANGER BABY!

Chapter CDLXXXIX

Today Danger Baby decided that everything that Princess Crazy Preschooler tried to play with was in fact, property of Danger Baby. Items that included all toys, diapers, clothes…and Daddy.

In addition, Daddy’s two precious little angels have not stopped screaming at him all day. I’m going to record them and then start a speed metal band called Stereo Temper Tantrums.

HEY! Find your own cabinet to play in!

Edited: May 5th, 2011